About three years ago I still remember the day that I saw my grandfather in the hospital for the last time. The conversations, who was there, and what happened has been burned into my memory. He had a tumor that started in his eye and spread throughout his body over the course of a year. One day he was perfectly fine and then he woke up the next morning seeing double vision and was completely confused with what was happening. Eventually he was barely able to use his arms and soon he couldn’t even walk on his own anymore. Coming in and out of the hospital about once to twice a month was not only hard on him but also my grandmother who took care of him from day one. Everyday after I worked my grandparents house was on the way home and I would always go visit and sometimes spent the night. I remember always waking up in the middle of the night every time I was there and hearing my grandmother helping him up out of bed and trying to take him to the bathroom. No matter how tired I was I got up and had no choice but to help her out. She had to do this almost every night for about two years.
I came home from work one day decided to do some editing. While doing so I noticed my mom rushing out the door having no idea what was happening. She told me that my grandfather got moved to the ICU and that everyone was meeting up there. Without hesitation I dropped everything I was doing and rushed out the door along with her. My parents, Uncle, Aunt, Grandmother, and I were waiting for the doctor to give us news whether he was going to make it or not. We had options to either let him go slowly or keep him unconscious while they put a tube into his stomach feeding him but that only would have made him last an extra week at most but at the same time it would be causing him a lot of pain. Honestly there was already a very little of surviving the phase he was in because at this point the tumor spread basically everywhere. I knew what he would want us to do and I was hoping that everyone was thinking what I was thinking. So we all went into a room and discussed what we wanted to do. So as he was in the ICU we came up to him telling him that it was time and what we were going to do. He couldn’t respond with words but he was able to hear us. The moment of the night that I could never forget is when I felt him squeeze my hand as we were telling him. All of us stayed there till around 2am that night and there was already no point in going home because I didn’t sleep that night at all and had to be up the next morning very early regardless. It had to be the hardest day of my life letting someone that has been in my life since day one go and telling him the bad news made things even harder for me to accept.
The week went by and I went into work on Saturday and not even halfway done my shift my manager called me back and just told me, “sorry for your loss”. I was very confused because I didn’t recall ever telling her about my grandfather and then she told me “Your dad is here to pick you up, you can leave early.” I went up to my dad who I surprisingly didn’t even see because he told me I walked right past him and he told me that my grandfather passed away and he just didn’t want me finding out from customers because a lot of people knew my family that shopped at my work. My dad and I went right to my grandmother’s house and I personally stayed there for about 3 days along with one of my cousins just so she wouldn’t be alone and every night the family would get together for dinner just so my grandmother wouldn’t be alone. After the funeral I started going every Friday to the cemetery to see him because I felt like out of all his grandchildren we had the best connection because of our love for soccer, football, and basketball. Every year now we have spent the night on the day he passed away because we still don’t think my grandmother can be alone on that night. She has made some progress because she used to go to the cemetery almost everyday but now she has gotten more used to being alone and hasn’t been going as often as she used to. Everyone in the family knew how hard it would be for her letting someone that's been in her life for over 60 years, but she has been strong and has been fighting and has been doing a lot better.
Losing my grandfather had to be the toughest part of my life considering he is the first family member I have ever lost. Knowing that he was going to suffer if the family made the choice to try keeping him alive would have made us all feel guilty in the long run. I think we made the right choice deciding to let him go but it that night when he was in the ICU for the last time and the day my dad took me out of work early have been burned into my mind and it’s something I surely will never forget.
I came home from work one day decided to do some editing. While doing so I noticed my mom rushing out the door having no idea what was happening. She told me that my grandfather got moved to the ICU and that everyone was meeting up there. Without hesitation I dropped everything I was doing and rushed out the door along with her. My parents, Uncle, Aunt, Grandmother, and I were waiting for the doctor to give us news whether he was going to make it or not. We had options to either let him go slowly or keep him unconscious while they put a tube into his stomach feeding him but that only would have made him last an extra week at most but at the same time it would be causing him a lot of pain. Honestly there was already a very little of surviving the phase he was in because at this point the tumor spread basically everywhere. I knew what he would want us to do and I was hoping that everyone was thinking what I was thinking. So we all went into a room and discussed what we wanted to do. So as he was in the ICU we came up to him telling him that it was time and what we were going to do. He couldn’t respond with words but he was able to hear us. The moment of the night that I could never forget is when I felt him squeeze my hand as we were telling him. All of us stayed there till around 2am that night and there was already no point in going home because I didn’t sleep that night at all and had to be up the next morning very early regardless. It had to be the hardest day of my life letting someone that has been in my life since day one go and telling him the bad news made things even harder for me to accept.
The week went by and I went into work on Saturday and not even halfway done my shift my manager called me back and just told me, “sorry for your loss”. I was very confused because I didn’t recall ever telling her about my grandfather and then she told me “Your dad is here to pick you up, you can leave early.” I went up to my dad who I surprisingly didn’t even see because he told me I walked right past him and he told me that my grandfather passed away and he just didn’t want me finding out from customers because a lot of people knew my family that shopped at my work. My dad and I went right to my grandmother’s house and I personally stayed there for about 3 days along with one of my cousins just so she wouldn’t be alone and every night the family would get together for dinner just so my grandmother wouldn’t be alone. After the funeral I started going every Friday to the cemetery to see him because I felt like out of all his grandchildren we had the best connection because of our love for soccer, football, and basketball. Every year now we have spent the night on the day he passed away because we still don’t think my grandmother can be alone on that night. She has made some progress because she used to go to the cemetery almost everyday but now she has gotten more used to being alone and hasn’t been going as often as she used to. Everyone in the family knew how hard it would be for her letting someone that's been in her life for over 60 years, but she has been strong and has been fighting and has been doing a lot better.
Losing my grandfather had to be the toughest part of my life considering he is the first family member I have ever lost. Knowing that he was going to suffer if the family made the choice to try keeping him alive would have made us all feel guilty in the long run. I think we made the right choice deciding to let him go but it that night when he was in the ICU for the last time and the day my dad took me out of work early have been burned into my mind and it’s something I surely will never forget.